Friday, August 21, 2009 @ 7:32 PM

Long post.

Really gotta thank Siying, Cheryl, Kelly, Toeh, Cynthia and Esther.

Esp Cheryl who has 2 steads at the same time! I seriously dont know what I'll do w/o you guys :) For taking the time + effort + painful ears to listen to my complains (Okay luh to be fair, I listened also right! hee), THANK YOU. I cant find better people to confide in, you guys are the best of the best I swear ;) *cries tears of joy*

#$^&*)# ILY~!! (HAHA FAMILIAR ANOT.)

Oh ya and to Jeremy also, thanks sia. Really v touched for the messages throughout the day! So constructive and cheering somemore, unlike.. HAHAHA OKAY. Not xactly happy now, but was momentarily happy yay. Pebble says: rock rocks! Rofl.


In case you guys are wondering what I'm talking about,
I'm fucking depressed these days- nobody wldve guessed.

Its like this pang in my heart, and every night I wish I can lead a different life from the one I'm leading now. If you can turn back time and change something, would you? Yes, yes I would. I truly thought things will work out.. It never did. I always thought I was very sociable (yes, very bhb I'm sorry), I make friends pretty easily cuz I reallyy talk alot.

.. Now I realise, its not the making manymanymany friends that counts. At the end of the day, how many would truly stand by you? How many of them would you wanna keep? How many of them knows you inside out?


I've been too pampered, too terribly used to having backups. Too used to people changing themselves for me -not the other way round. Too used to controlling others. Pampered pampered pampered, what a spoiled selfish bitch friend I must be.

Now what am I gonna do!!!?? Am I gonna change myself for you? How.. I dont know.. I've never done it before. I keep telling people I've tried, but how come no matter how hard I try I always fail? Then I must be doing the wrong way right! EVERYONE is telling me not to, that its not good to become like you cuz you're so and so. But how the fuck am I gonna fucking survive if I dont!????


FUCK NOBODY IS GONNA FUCKING GIVE A SHIT. WHY AM I WALLOWING IN SELF PITY. JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THIS YEAR?? SOMEBODY ASK ME TO GET A GRIP PLEAZE.


Tuesdays and fridays are the sole exsisting rays for me being in school.
I'm physically there, my heart's not.

AND THE BEST THING IS:
Nobody could tell. Nobody at all. Their first reaction goes like:" WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS? You look so happy everyday!" (-.-)

ANYWAY,

HERE'S THE REAL POST

Went out w/ EL to vivo after school. Felt very stony but still very fun hehheh.

#1: Somebody nonstop about 'fences' aww :)
#2: Heart to heart.
(We wanted to play truth or truth, but realised it aint fun anymore cuz we seriously know everybody's everything. I mean, seriously lolllx)
#3: Prank calls
#4: Self pity smses
(Confirmation that number 6 did indeed reply toeh in the end! :D)
.. So on~

Then after pouring out all my woes and shit (I think cheryl took most of the shit, (L)), I felt abit happier but not that satisfied yet, so I wanted to call Est out for a movie, when I realised her phone was confiscated. But fate brought the whole lot of them outside our train doors after their CCA so we'll meet and Cyn and est went lot 1 w/ me for icecream!! ^^v. Talked more (god, I missed conversations like this, I seriously dont get much of it anymore!! ^^) and more, and conferencing againz tonight hehe! :)


In places no one would find,
all your feelings so deep inside......
(the moment I saw you cry)

I'm still not as happy but I know I will be ;)

Crying does wonders after all.


Overdue pixxx.