Sunday, April 5, 2009 @ 1:40 AM

I cant seem to move on.

If it wasnt for CCA, i dont know why I'd even bother coming to school anymore.
It used to be th pccube, but it isnt like that anymore is it ?
I miss you guys alot, i dont know how I really fit in my current class.
I miss having Cheryl as my crapass tablemate, someone who's from EL too.
I miss Chinghun. >( The cool video calls we used to make at night in the toliet.
Time cant rewind, but I totally belong to the past.
I may not look it, but i hate school.
I hate the stress I get every single damn day.
I m just not myself anymore, I find it hard to communicate actually.
Sometimes I wonder if I had taken the wrong subjects.
Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off in a different class.

If I hadnt been a coward and chosen triple hist for fear i wouldnt be able to enter triple geog, I'd be with Cheryl. Would I be better off ?
If I had missed my first choice and gotten into the second, I'd be w/ Esther, Cynthia and HANYING, the girls i love ttm :)
If I had stuck to the original plan with sueann and xinni, (we planned everything, from the subject combinations, to the AEMS and possible classmates. but i called a few minutes before sue typed in her choices and told her I wanted out. some kind of friend huh.) I'd have someone who truly knows me, would i have been better off ?

All the íf's, if only i could tell the future huh.
I know I have the girls, but somehow. Band people are closer than you think.
I dont know their juniors when they rush foward to greet them, i dont get what they're talking about at all. i dont get their jokes, I dont know the people they gossip about.
It will definitely be better next year you say.
I hate myself for being such a pessimistic person but. i dont think so.
There's only 2 years and then everything will be alright cuz you have someone and the someone is me! you say.
2 years. are you kidding that's such an *ing long time.

I felt as bad in sec1, but sec2 turned out alright,
Who knows, at the end of 2 years I may love my class to bits and refuse to change.
This year is somehow different, i ve taken too long to adapt.
It was never like this.
What went wrong, I have everything.
Clever class with a very bright future, a wonderful cca, happy family, people to go out with to occupy my weekends and have fun..

There's just sth missing.
I used to laugh like mad in class, so much that the teachers usually asks me to stop laughing or sth.
I used to have a kewl clique would'd be there no matter what, who makes me laugh like mad every single time we go out and well basically, we do everything tgt and have alot of fun.
I used to talk and play alot in class, not concentrate but get equally satisfactory grades, if i miss any lesson now, i'd totally die and never catch up.
I used to be in a very bonded class where 31 people turned up for the chalet, everything we do revolves around the class and nothing else. (I miss 2C more than you ever know)

People have all fitted in, they've moved on and very contented in their new classes.
Why then do I seem to be the only few who cant let go of the past.
I hate myself for being like this but I cant help it.

I'm not happy.
But what can I do ?